Three secret tricks that break the Internet

Long ago, someone famous predicted that someday we’d all be famous for 15 minutes. I think it was Abraham Lincoln. Or maybe Marie Antoinette. No matter who said it, that’s totally over. It’s SO over. It was over at least 15 minutes ago. Because Fame isn’t enough anymore.

You have to Break the Internet.

Due to 21st century praise inflation, you need to realize that Breaking the Internet doesn’t actually involve breaking anything. Or even being well known. It’s all in what you call it.

Just to be clear, I’ll start by offering some praise inflation-adjusted definitions.

As you know, awesome, now means “slightly above average.” Similarly, Breaking the Internet, means “to become slightly well-known, temporarily.” It generally has something to do with posting a picture to the Internet.

So how can you Break the Internet? And how can you ensure that your children can grow up to Break the Internet, too?

  •  Be a celebrity—Naturally, it helps a lot to be a celebrity. Celebrities can break the internet almost anytime they want. The rest of us have to actually do something.
  • Be naked—It’s often helpful to be naked and even better to be a naked celebrity. Naked celebrities break the internet with ease, just by doing something mildly foolish on camera. When a non-celebrity gets naked and foolish on the internet, it’s just called porn, or gross, or a Class 3 Felony.
  • Be a nitwit—The joker who tried to climb Trump Tower with suction cups showed a unique kind of ingenuity in displaying his brainlessness to the whole world. He said he wanted to carry a message to Donald Trump. What message was received? “I’m an idiot.”

But if you’re really ambitious, and have your sights set on breaking the Internet, rest assured, you have a chance. Here are some examples of people who broke the Internet. When you see how little talent, effort, or initiative went into these episodes, you’ll feel more confident that someday you’ll break the internet, too!

6 scary signs that prove the Internet broke again

  1. Trump tower climber Stephen Rogata
  2. Kim Kardashian
  3. Ice bucket challenge
  4. Kanye West
  5. Steve Harvey
  6. Miley Cyrus
  7. Cecil the lion
  8. Pizza rat
By | 2017-12-10T20:59:40+00:00 August 16th, 2016|Digital delirium, Exclusive features|Comments Off on Three secret tricks that break the Internet